Sympathy flowers in Sunnyvale

A Sunnyvale death usually produces a three-address day, and knowing which address you are sending to is the first decision. There is the mortuary where the viewing or vigil happens — commonly Spangler Mortuaries on South Bernardo Avenue here in 94086, Lima & Campagna Sunnyvale Mortuary, the Cusimano Family Colonial Mortuary on West El Camino Real in Mountain View, Roller & Hapgood & Tinney on Middlefield Road in Palo Alto, or one of the larger San Jose houses, Darling & Fischer, Oak Hill Funeral Home and the Lima Family mortuaries in Santa Clara, San Jose and Milpitas. There is the cemetery, which in this valley is usually Gate of Heaven in Los Altos on Cristo Rey Drive for Catholic families, Santa Clara Mission Cemetery on Lincoln Street, Alta Mesa Memorial Park on Arastradero Road in Palo Alto, Oak Hill Memorial Park on Curtner Avenue — the oldest secular cemetery in California — Los Gatos Memorial Park, Calvary Catholic Cemetery in San Jose, or Home of Peace, the historic Jewish cemetery on Oakland Road. And there is the house: a Cherry Chase ranch or a Lakewood townhouse where relatives are arriving from three time zones and somebody has to feed them. Flowers do different work at each. A standing easel piece belongs at the chapel, a compact vase arrangement travels to a graveside, and a plant belongs at the house, where it will still be alive in November when the visitors have gone home and the quiet part starts.

Sunnyvale is one of the most internationally-born cities in the country — close to half of residents were born outside the United States — and sympathy customs here are not one tradition with variations. They are genuinely different practices, and the shops on this grid are used to being told which one applies. Catholic families, including the Filipino, Mexican, Portuguese and Vietnamese Catholic communities that fill the Sunnyvale parishes and bury at Gate of Heaven and Santa Clara Mission, use the full vocabulary: standing sprays, easel wreaths, casket pieces and a vase arrangement for the rosary the night before. Hindu and Jain families — the community around the Sunnyvale Hindu Temple on Persian Drive and the Jain Center of Northern California in Milpitas — hold the cremation within days, and what is wanted is usually garland work and loose flowers rather than a Western vase arrangement; say so in the order notes and the studio will confirm what it can build before it starts. Sikh families gathering at the Gurdwara Sahib on Quimby Road in San Jose generally keep flowers modest and the emphasis on the prayer. Muslim families at the Muslim Community Association on Scott Boulevard in Santa Clara bury quickly, often within a day, and flowers are frequently not part of it at all — food or a donation to the family is the more useful gesture. Jewish families at Congregation Beth David in Saratoga or Temple Emanu-El in San Jose traditionally skip flowers at the funeral entirely; a plant, a fruit basket or a charity donation sent to the shiva home is the correct move. Chinese, Taiwanese, Korean and Vietnamese families lean on white and yellow chrysanthemum and white lily in standing or wreath form, and red is avoided. None of this needs explaining at length on the phone — one line in the notes is enough.